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| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWyxex4qWJQ&NR=1
Being reborn as Tanaka F. Kakuei!... soon. | | |
| http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/
My profile.
You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.
You are totally dissatisfied with your present situation. Matters are not going right for you and you are seeking a means of escape. Your mental state of mind necessitates that you need to change your thinking patterns. Remember, if one particular modus operandi doesn't seem to work, then try something different.
You are confined and trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way out. Whatever you seem to do to resolve the problem hasn't worked out. Fortunately you are able to gain some aspect of relief from someone close to you.
You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it - you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.
Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.
It might be nice to be lost for a while.. | | |
| I've been spending the better part of the last few weeks really doing some thinking about myself and my feelings and just changes in my perspectives, thoughts, and attitudes since leaving Science... really trying to understand how I've grown and with what level of understanding of my experiences I have been readily able to apply to anything..
Learning to understand the machinations of my personality and predilections I am heavily prone to, as well as just making attempts to set things right and also mucking up lots of stuff in the process despite my fervent desire to simply remain in a position of... not neutrality, but not wanting to place the straw that breaks the camel's back, one might say.
Furthermore, there's a great deal of ambiguity and nonchalance that exists at the heart of a great deal of situations that are momentously important to me and my relative inexpressiveness as well as premature reactions (inspired by the tumult of emotions and thoughts I can barely wrap my mind around with regards to myself and the values I harbor) have been at least partially responsible for damage to my relationships with people I hold dear.
The saying "actions speak louder than words" plays in my mind a lot. Though it can be said with a large degree of certainty that a person's unbidden actions speak volumes about the truth of their inner thoughts, and also that it becomes possible to gauge a person's true feelings by such actions, it is also very apparent to me that the weight of a person's words (though often wavering to various degrees in the direction of one's intentions as opposed to their relative dispositions) rings with just as much truth as the subtle shift of nervous eyes that clue one in to unspoken thoughts a person may be hiding. It is the emotive weight of the words a person utters, I believe, that are the true source of being able to gauge a person's stance on any number of things. And within the truth of that statement, it is most feasible to say that weighing the substantiality of a person's words in company with their actions is truly the only way to tell where one is coming from. Beyond that, however, lies the realm of confusion and anxiousness, which truly seem to hold very little sway over a person's intentions... they just gum up the works and make things difficult for those who can't see a person (or a situation) well enough to really tell what's happening there.
And so I say that people's eyes should be more honest. For example, I refer to a conversation I had with my best friend recently. I feel that personally, I mask my innermost thoughts well behind the clouds of my other thoughts very well. And for her part, she sublimates the larger portion of her motivations behind a mask of hesitant withdrawal. And though we internalize things similarly (almost identically, really. weird.) and feel the same about a number of issues, it is interesting to note the look in her eyes as she sets her heart on something. She bears the weight of her decisions in life with a quiet stoicism that most people would mistake for confusion, simple stubbornness, or simply stupidity. She may not understand the rationale behind what she does, yet never do her eyes flare brighter than when she holds true to her course! For this, and many other reasons, I love her dearly, though I admit that the rarity of this quality is a shame since almost no one will recognize it for what it is in the grander scope of her personality. Even my description of it is somewhat inadequate, as even for me, behind the clouds of confusion and depressive introspection I find myself shrouded in, I wonder often what others see. Do I hide this quality because I fear what I will lay bare within myself to the observations of others, or is it suppressed by way of quiet necessity? If my eyes could more often be honest to those around me, or myself, my intentions would mayhap be better understood or, daresay, accommodated? Perhaps, perhaps not.
I feel that I fight a constant battle between the duty to my friends and the world around me, the duty to family and responsibility, and duty to myself. Many may know me to be one who cares about the goings-on of others' lives, though very few are aware of how deep this empathy within me truly is. I feel keenly the weight of others' problems upon my own [insert apt metaphorically significant body part here] and leaving high school, I found myself hardened to a great deal of it by necessity, almost. After having my heart ground to paste twice in a fairly short number of months, and seeing a few truly valued friendships fall to pieces before my eyes, I took a reprieve from the world. Though the word reprieve is truly not adequate to express this period of time, as I became truly numb to the emotional 'duty' to my friends and somewhat more attuned to the expectations of family, I found more and more that my recourse in life no matter what I choose seems to be to give and give to others until there is truly nothing left, or bereft of that, to constantly disillusion or disappoint those I care for/about/love merely because I do not move to live to their expectations. After having witnessed the death of my beloved uncle by way of this path, it is one I do not desire to walk, though I also fear losing the people I care about because I refuse to abide by my values and beliefs. Even so, I find myself wondering lately just how much meaning those values and beliefs hold in the world I love in now.
That being said, there are a number of people to whom I wish to address specifically in any number of ways and I will perhaps look into doing so privately here, in a facebook message, or otherwise. Feel free to comment if you actually sat through and read all of this. I also plan to refine these thoughts a bit in the near future.
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| Hi guys, I'm just making a brief post because I'm wondering about something.
I hope to expand this post later this week, but for the time being, I was wondering if anyone knew any good apps for ripping audio from video files. For someone who has such odd taste in musicians, it's a little hard for me to find albums either for download or for sale (even at such "high-profile" locations as play-asia) so I often feel compelled to grab songs that I feel are awesome on a whim. Does anyone have suggestions?
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| http://www.nyam.us/
This seems interesting.
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http://onlinerock.com/fans/h0tlyk3fyr3//heat_island__ayakashi_edit_.mp3
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